Dear World - Confidence

Dear World

What is the point?

I mean, there's always someone better than you somewhere in the world. Someone who can run faster, play better (be that in sports or instruments) or have a superior linguistical ability than you.

Obviously, this is on about 'Confidence'.

I mean, you can tell that I have no confidence. During the last residential (which is when I'm writing this, surprisingly), I've met people who are opinionated or confident (or both). One of the things we had to do is a thirty second rant about anything. I began mine on alcohol, as I detest it and everything about it.

One person jumped in, and began to state his views. The longer this person did so, the empowerment was clearer to see. This person defeated me in the confidence stakes. I had nothing, not in the argument stakes, I believe that my views are as valid as the next deluded humanoid that believes that somewhere someone is taking not of their musings.

The more I resisted with my views, the harder the person battered me with their confidence. I ended up just walking away and returning to my room, that coincidentally has a bed in it.

As I sat on my bed, drinking from the bottle of a drink, I realised something. The only way that you can get on in this World is to have confidence.

One example, which I believe I discussed with you before, is with compliments. I mean, I think of a hell of a lot of things even before I even consider complimenting someone, such as "How will they take it?", "Will I sound like a stalker?" and "What's the point, they've heard it all before". While a much more confident person will compliment their target with ease.

Referring to the first few sentences that I wrote. I overhear many a people say "Don't listen to them" or "Don't rate yourself against them".

Why not?

I mean, I have a small obsession with statistics, I have a keen interest in how certain stuff is coping and how it's developed. Now, if I did not rate myself against other people, then I wouldn't know where I am in the world in a given profession or ability.

Here's a prime example. During my time studying for my A levels, I hung around with a few blokes. All of them played guitar, with one or two of them playing bass guitar and drums. There were three people in the class who played the drums - me, Bob and Bill.

Bob had played drums for a long time, and that was easy to hear as he played the instrument. Bill, on the other hand, was a learner, like me, yet he was rather good at it.

I'm not sure how Bill looks at things, but I believe that I have the same skill level as him. Yes, we're not a master on the instrument, but if someone told us to break out a beat or jam along to a riff that the guitarists are playing, then Bill and I'll be able to do so with relative ease. Granted, Bill was better than me at some aspects and I was better at others. 

Yet, compared to Bob, it would seem that we're but mere amateurs. If you ranked us on out ability from one to ten, Bob will be an nine-and-a-quarter, while Bill and I will share a rather respectable five-and-a-half. If I didn't know Bob or Bill, I wouldn't have known what I'm heading towards or how my progress was.

And yet, I do that with every aspect in my life - editing images, intelligence, playing instruments, even the way people speak and views (but I do that in a two-poles way, not from one to ten. I hope that makes sense).

I hope, dear world, that I haven't lost a friend in you as you read this mindless drivel. Please forgive my idiocy, I shall look into how I can regain my confidence.

I thank ye, world.

Dear World - Compliments

Dear World.

I'll be honest, I find the art of the compliment a rather disturbing thing. Allow me to elaborate.

As people say "it is better to give than to receive", I shall leave the best until last and discuss receiving compliments first. Well, that and the fact that I don't get them often. Ha.

No, in all serious, I'm rather abysmal when it comes to receiving compliments. I don't go all "oh yeah" and do a dance so awesome that it makes unicorns cry rainbow tears of joy that could cure the world's crushing debt problems with enough left over to get the Welsh language heard all over the world, because that would be rather arrogant of me.

No, all I do is go in myself. I go rather shy, whimper the words "thank you" and get the conversation away from me as quick as possible. It could be as small a compliment as "you've got good grammar", and I'll still find it hard to believe. Well, unless it's something I think is true also. 

I mean, not being big-headed here, but I do believe that I can manipulate the strings of the English language and tweak them so they will do my bidding in creating a correct sentence, though I believe that my lack of words and knowledge of rules hold me back. Why am I going on? No idea. Why didn't I just say "I can create half-decent sentences" instead of that fail of a sentence? Only a son of someone with an equal amount of vowels and consonants in their first and surname can answer that.

As you can probably tell, I find it even harder to give compliments. Why? Well, a number of factors come to play here.

Lets take an example that I had first hand. Last year, I saw someone. Well, I saw at least a hundred people last year, but you know what I mean. Anyway, this someone was a girl who I know, and saying that she looked pretty would be an understatement. Granted, she always looked nice, but you know what I mean. As she walked towards me, what did I say? Well, the obvious…

I talked about the weather. Smooth, aren't I?

But, what can I say? If I did say something complimentary, there was a very high chance that it would just come out in a "I'm not confident in what I'm saying" kind of way, which could result in her thinking that I'm lying. And even if what I did potentially say sounded fine, the chance that she had heard it before was higher than Jimi Hendrix in his heyday. Though, I don't think he had hay, he had a guitar… you know what I mean. 

Anyway, what I also thought was how could she receive this compliment. Maybe, if I did say something about her looks on that day, she could have taken it as me trying to make a move on her. Either that, or mentally putting me on her "creep list" that she could possibly have. And yes, I have all these thoughts in as little as three seconds. I may not be well designed for compliment giving, but I do have a fast mind. I can even think about stuff in my eyes closed. It's a talent that took a long while to master, though Britain's Got Talent didn't agree.

Another thing that I would find awkward is, what if there was a group of people, how do you act then? Do you just compliment the ones that you believe deserve the compliments? If so, then you might be insulting the others in the group without wanting to. Or, do you say something to all members of the group? Something like "Carla, you look rather beautiful tonight. Tina, you're also looking rather nice. Anna, it's nice for you to turn up too"? Though, in doing this, I would be making some sort of "class of beauty". And even though they secretly know it, and I know it, it would be totally wrong of me to actually state it.

So, does this mean that I should just make a generic comment on all of them, something like "you all look rather lovely tonight"? But if I did, the compliment would just be some words mixed together to create something that is said everyday. Like "hello'. Or "bubble wrap".

I don't know much, but I know that I sound like a rather soulless person there. Well, not soulless, but hopefully you'll get where I'm coming from here. And if not, you can always pretend, eh? Ah, that's one thing about me that I might change if I had the chance, so then I could be a decent actor. Ah well.

I thank ye, world.