Dear World - Confidence

Dear World

What is the point?

I mean, there's always someone better than you somewhere in the world. Someone who can run faster, play better (be that in sports or instruments) or have a superior linguistical ability than you.

Obviously, this is on about 'Confidence'.

I mean, you can tell that I have no confidence. During the last residential (which is when I'm writing this, surprisingly), I've met people who are opinionated or confident (or both). One of the things we had to do is a thirty second rant about anything. I began mine on alcohol, as I detest it and everything about it.

One person jumped in, and began to state his views. The longer this person did so, the empowerment was clearer to see. This person defeated me in the confidence stakes. I had nothing, not in the argument stakes, I believe that my views are as valid as the next deluded humanoid that believes that somewhere someone is taking not of their musings.

The more I resisted with my views, the harder the person battered me with their confidence. I ended up just walking away and returning to my room, that coincidentally has a bed in it.

As I sat on my bed, drinking from the bottle of a drink, I realised something. The only way that you can get on in this World is to have confidence.

One example, which I believe I discussed with you before, is with compliments. I mean, I think of a hell of a lot of things even before I even consider complimenting someone, such as "How will they take it?", "Will I sound like a stalker?" and "What's the point, they've heard it all before". While a much more confident person will compliment their target with ease.

Referring to the first few sentences that I wrote. I overhear many a people say "Don't listen to them" or "Don't rate yourself against them".

Why not?

I mean, I have a small obsession with statistics, I have a keen interest in how certain stuff is coping and how it's developed. Now, if I did not rate myself against other people, then I wouldn't know where I am in the world in a given profession or ability.

Here's a prime example. During my time studying for my A levels, I hung around with a few blokes. All of them played guitar, with one or two of them playing bass guitar and drums. There were three people in the class who played the drums - me, Bob and Bill.

Bob had played drums for a long time, and that was easy to hear as he played the instrument. Bill, on the other hand, was a learner, like me, yet he was rather good at it.

I'm not sure how Bill looks at things, but I believe that I have the same skill level as him. Yes, we're not a master on the instrument, but if someone told us to break out a beat or jam along to a riff that the guitarists are playing, then Bill and I'll be able to do so with relative ease. Granted, Bill was better than me at some aspects and I was better at others. 

Yet, compared to Bob, it would seem that we're but mere amateurs. If you ranked us on out ability from one to ten, Bob will be an nine-and-a-quarter, while Bill and I will share a rather respectable five-and-a-half. If I didn't know Bob or Bill, I wouldn't have known what I'm heading towards or how my progress was.

And yet, I do that with every aspect in my life - editing images, intelligence, playing instruments, even the way people speak and views (but I do that in a two-poles way, not from one to ten. I hope that makes sense).

I hope, dear world, that I haven't lost a friend in you as you read this mindless drivel. Please forgive my idiocy, I shall look into how I can regain my confidence.

I thank ye, world.

Dear World - Violence

Dear World.

It's safe to say that I am in no way an alfa male. To a greater extent, I'm more of an omega male than a beta one. I haven't got much courage, nor have I confidence.

Neither do I have epic physical prowess, so I've never been in a physical fight. Well, that's not completely true. I did strangle a boy when I was in year nine because he was the opposite to polite to me for the last three years. After I pinned him against the wall, all he had was pleasantries towards me for the rest of the years we knew each other. But yeah, I don't advise anyone to do that mind, I just flipped my anger-flavoured biscuit. Nice.

What I'm heading towards is violence. I am in no way good with violence or fighting. I find it difficult to even watch boxing without worrying about the possible side effects that the participants of the sport will suffer something like a bloody nose, or a loss of an ear. You never know.

So much so, I don't comprehend why people actively search for people fighting on YouTube. I witnessed this first-hand during an Electronics lecture. One student had no idea what to do, neither did he bother to ask. So, he ventured onto the Tube of the You variety, typed in some words, clicked on a link and as soon as the broadband connection of the university's internet allowed it to, a video appeared on the screen.

It's title? Something on the lines of "World's Best Knockouts".

And no, it was not about boxing.

This video was a montage of men knocking out other men for various reasons. Either to stand up for themselves as a group tries to disrupt their evening, to some utter wazzocks beating each other to a pulp because they are filled with alcohol and the disillusion that strength equals everything in the world.

I mean, where's the fascination in that?

It's like in school, where nearly everyone forms a circle around some idiots who are fighting while chanting "fight" in an overly-enthusiastic manner. I'll be honest, I have no idea what's worse - the adolescent round of fisticuffs or the seemingly endless chanting that the circular wall of viewers shout out to entice hatred into the world.

But, what am I getting at here? Well, it was something that I overheard a couple of days ago.

"Is it ever acceptable to smack your children?"

I don't know, but that's a rather odd thing to ask. Obviously, it is acceptable to smack your child. Well, only if they are ruining their lives. I mean, I know I'm no expert, not having any children and all, but it does seem rather extreme to smack a child just because they do something small like not listen to you or something similar.

To me, there's only ever one time that it's acceptable to smack a child, and even then they are well on their way to adulthood. As I said before, I think the only time that it could be acceptable is if that child is ruining their lives. By that, I mean wasting their lives and money on drink and drugs.

By that, I don't mean I'll slap my child at the first chance I get when I realise that they've consumed the poison, but if I see that their present will be the end of their future and they do not listen, then I may resort to a quick smack. And only if I'm extremely angry and frustrated.

Though, as I would consider myself a rather old-fashioned person, I wouldn't do that if my child was female. Or, to put it in different terms, if I had a crack-dependent daughter. 

I've never thought it was acceptable to be violent towards women. Well, there's always an exception that breaks the law. In this case, it is if a female tries to kill me. I mean, if human female named Sunita comes at my manly self with a kitchen knife and a packet of marmite crisps, then I'll obviously fight back. Well, I say fight back, I would just try to defend myself.in the best way that will do the least harm to her. And since I have no experience with self defence, I may accidentally do damage to her. Unintentionally, of course.

But, one thing that strikes me as rather bizarre is something I overheard a while back. One bloke said something on the lines of "if women want the same rights as men, then they should be able to handle a punch or get back into the kitchen", which, to me, seems slightly on the sexist side of the spectrum.

I can't understand that thought process. Equality should be for everyone, not just for those who have a penis. Maybe that's what they meant by that saying - "Everyone is born equal, though some people are born more equal than others". And besides, I know of some women who can take a punch much better than I can, and who can deal more damage back. And no, that isn't scientific research, I did not line people up and began to punch them, allow them to vote who dealt more pain, then do the same as they began to beat us half to death.

Hang on, why does it have to be acceptable to be violent against anyone anyway? Okay, I can marginally understand why in sports, but not in ordinary life.

I thank ye, world.

Dear World - Compliments

Dear World.

I'll be honest, I find the art of the compliment a rather disturbing thing. Allow me to elaborate.

As people say "it is better to give than to receive", I shall leave the best until last and discuss receiving compliments first. Well, that and the fact that I don't get them often. Ha.

No, in all serious, I'm rather abysmal when it comes to receiving compliments. I don't go all "oh yeah" and do a dance so awesome that it makes unicorns cry rainbow tears of joy that could cure the world's crushing debt problems with enough left over to get the Welsh language heard all over the world, because that would be rather arrogant of me.

No, all I do is go in myself. I go rather shy, whimper the words "thank you" and get the conversation away from me as quick as possible. It could be as small a compliment as "you've got good grammar", and I'll still find it hard to believe. Well, unless it's something I think is true also. 

I mean, not being big-headed here, but I do believe that I can manipulate the strings of the English language and tweak them so they will do my bidding in creating a correct sentence, though I believe that my lack of words and knowledge of rules hold me back. Why am I going on? No idea. Why didn't I just say "I can create half-decent sentences" instead of that fail of a sentence? Only a son of someone with an equal amount of vowels and consonants in their first and surname can answer that.

As you can probably tell, I find it even harder to give compliments. Why? Well, a number of factors come to play here.

Lets take an example that I had first hand. Last year, I saw someone. Well, I saw at least a hundred people last year, but you know what I mean. Anyway, this someone was a girl who I know, and saying that she looked pretty would be an understatement. Granted, she always looked nice, but you know what I mean. As she walked towards me, what did I say? Well, the obvious…

I talked about the weather. Smooth, aren't I?

But, what can I say? If I did say something complimentary, there was a very high chance that it would just come out in a "I'm not confident in what I'm saying" kind of way, which could result in her thinking that I'm lying. And even if what I did potentially say sounded fine, the chance that she had heard it before was higher than Jimi Hendrix in his heyday. Though, I don't think he had hay, he had a guitar… you know what I mean. 

Anyway, what I also thought was how could she receive this compliment. Maybe, if I did say something about her looks on that day, she could have taken it as me trying to make a move on her. Either that, or mentally putting me on her "creep list" that she could possibly have. And yes, I have all these thoughts in as little as three seconds. I may not be well designed for compliment giving, but I do have a fast mind. I can even think about stuff in my eyes closed. It's a talent that took a long while to master, though Britain's Got Talent didn't agree.

Another thing that I would find awkward is, what if there was a group of people, how do you act then? Do you just compliment the ones that you believe deserve the compliments? If so, then you might be insulting the others in the group without wanting to. Or, do you say something to all members of the group? Something like "Carla, you look rather beautiful tonight. Tina, you're also looking rather nice. Anna, it's nice for you to turn up too"? Though, in doing this, I would be making some sort of "class of beauty". And even though they secretly know it, and I know it, it would be totally wrong of me to actually state it.

So, does this mean that I should just make a generic comment on all of them, something like "you all look rather lovely tonight"? But if I did, the compliment would just be some words mixed together to create something that is said everyday. Like "hello'. Or "bubble wrap".

I don't know much, but I know that I sound like a rather soulless person there. Well, not soulless, but hopefully you'll get where I'm coming from here. And if not, you can always pretend, eh? Ah, that's one thing about me that I might change if I had the chance, so then I could be a decent actor. Ah well.

I thank ye, world.